Bakes of Yore: SBLOUNSKCHED! Candy Bar

Let me tell you a tale of one of my all-time favorite pastry creations.

Long, long ago (2012), in a place far, far away (actually, it was just down the road), I was trying to figure out a good gift for my boyfriend’s birthday. I was completely broke, and his birthday was hanging over my head like a big, naggy cloud. Wbat do you get a nerd who has all the nerdy things? Even if I had the money, what could I buy.

Then, it hit me. I remembered his Homestar Runner DVD collection. STRONG BAD! CANDY!


I set to work.

First: the innards. You didn’t think I was going to feed him pepperoni and spoons, did you? I mean, I considered it, but I didn’t.

The Boyfriend liked two kinds of candy bars: White Chocolate Nestle Crunch and Mounds. These formed the flavor profile for my bars.

First, I created a sheet of white chocolate mixed with crisped rice.

I topped it with a coconut candy bar filling, which ended up being essentially a thick buttercream with a ton of coconut folded in.

Next, I chilled the sheet for a while so I could cut it into a pant-shape. With  a bite taken out, duh.        

Lastly, I covered the pants in chocolate. This part was a pain. In my Reddit post in 2012, I described the process as such:

This was actually kinda tough since the coconut was so bumpy. I covered the pants in chocolate once and also brushed some onto the underside. Then I used a heated knife to level off the top and smooth the sides to prep for a second coat. Finally, I repoured the dark chocolate shell so it’d have a smoother look.

The final part of the project was the packaging. I wanted to replicate real candy wrapping as much as I could. We never see the back of the wrapper in any of the SBEmails, so this took a bit of tinkering.

Quote from me in 2012:

I had some labels printed to wrap the sleeves in. I found the front of the bar online and then created a back label to match it. The standard paper at my local office store ended up doing the trick and looked great. I finished it off with ridged craft scissors on the side and ta-da! You got SBLOUNSKCHED!

Random note to finish the entry: After submitting photos of these bars to Reddit, I felt like I had half the internet telling my boyfriend to propose to me. I’m here to officially announce that he listened, Reddit; we got married 6 months ago. On the other hand, maybe it was Matt Chapman praising his birthday gift on Twitter that made him pop the question. Either way, we’s married now, suckas! It’s the power of a good candy bar.


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